Well, many of you will agree, many of you will not and most of you won't understand it or make a meaning out of it which suits you. I had a recent transition from being in a steady relationship to tying knots and it was something I hoped for from the time I met her and my love for her continues to grow till date. Feelings have changed and for good. Within 9 months of me being in marriage, we are expecting a baby and this is what I am talking about basically. Yes, in just nine months into my marriage, I have become not only a husband, but will also be a dad. It feels kind of weird at times to be in this position but with so many good things happening at the same time, and such beautiful vibes surrounding me and our family, it seems like a dream come true.
The fact of the matter is something that is happening inside me. I keep asking myself constantly, am I prepared for it? Am I ready to do this? Will I be a good dad, or a good husband for that matter? I never actually had to go through such retrospection in my 8-9 years of my relationship with my wife, before marriage. This is something that marriage does to you. It makes you responsible and answerable, even more. I feel the same for her and our relationship, but the colors and the depth has deepened and are more intensified. I feel insecure, in a way I never felt before. None of the thousand articles I read on marriage or becoming dad told me that as a to-be dad or a new husband, you will be afraid of dying. I never even thought about it before and now, this fear just grips me too tightly to let go. May be its just me, or maybe it's everyone or maybe, it's just me out of everyone who is speaking out. Whatever it is, my fear of dying is not because of me, it is for them. I know I am all right and I know will be, for a long time to come with God's grace, but this 'Final Destination' running inside my head 24/7 can get really discomforting for clear thoughts and clarity to come in.
As a to-be-dad, I am not sure of what I feel for my son/daughter to be as I am blank on that part. I know I need to provide the best for them in everything, I know my responsibilities, I know I need to take care of them and nurture them enough to make them good for this ugly world. However, what I don't know yet is will I be able to feel the same way my wife feels for him/her. It is just hard to believe that time is flying so fast that before I can set one puzzle right, another drops in and it is a continuous sequence of puzzles dropping in from nowhere, making my life a puzzle, which if you see is actually very simple and straight. I have a loving family, lovely beautiful wife, would be a proud dad soon, God has been kind with money and more or less everything is going good, but this Victorian melodrama that is being created by what I feel along with the chapters of Final Destination added, takes me for a beautiful ride, I am not sure I can ride pretty well.
No comments:
Post a Comment